Salaam / Many Doorways

Let the other person set the level and follow it

Greetings that involve the body vary enormously, which makes the sensible practice not knowing but watching.

A large share of greeting is physical, and it is the part people worry about most. A hand offered, a slight bow of the head, a hand to the heart, an embrace, a nod from across a room, or nothing at all beyond a change of expression. The distance people stand at varies as much as the gesture, and someone who steps in is not being forward while someone who holds back is not being cold. They are each standing where standing feels normal. Both are usually unaware there is any variation at all until they meet somebody using a different measure.

The physical part is also the part with the most at stake, because it involves other people's bodies and their comfort. That rules out any approach based on guessing what somebody would probably prefer given how they look or where you imagine they are from, which is both presumptuous and frequently wrong. It equally rules out imposing whatever you happen to be used to and expecting everyone to accommodate it. What remains is a single practice that covers every situation without requiring any knowledge in advance.

Let the other person set the level, and follow. Arrive with your hands relaxed and no gesture committed to. Watch what they offer, and meet it. If they offer nothing, offer nothing, and let a warm greeting and steady attention carry the whole load, which it does perfectly well. If they hold back, hold back with them. This costs nothing, works everywhere, requires you to know nothing about anybody, and quietly hands the decision to the person best placed to make it.